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  • Adil Malia

'Goal' Junkies...Win yet Lose !


Defined wrongly, some races never end.

Going through my Coaching notes and reflecting, helps me pick up some valuable insights which then becomes my own learning through these Coaching experiences.

Let me share this one learning with you.

Very often the 'C - folks' are actually goal junkies (me included). They are generally in pursuit of happiness through materially defined goals that they believe would bring them happiness.

I engage the C-Folks in the classical

'If - then...' exercise to define and individually put metrics to their dreams. Each Coachee writes specific statements to express their own definition of 'Dreams' and success by saying things like :

• "If I buy that yachtthen I will feel that I have achieved success"....

• "If I create value for my enterprise at xxxxx, then I will believe I have been successful..."

• "If I lead my team to achieve revenues of xxx $ then I will believe I am a winner"

• "If I Coach 10 top CEOs in India, then I will believe that I have been professionally successful as a consultant"

Unfortunately, in hind sight, when one stitches ones learnings together, you realise that most C-folks seem to believe two things ...

(a) that achievements are the actual foundation of a successful life, establishing their self esteem and deriving their own meaning in life;

(b) that such positive feelings are reflected by external 'market symbols' of achievements.

Unfortunately, most of these C-folks even upon impressive achievement of their above metricised goals, strangely do not feel as successful and happy as they had imagined they would be whilst defining the above achievement metrics !!!. There is a huge mis-match between the impressive achievements they generally make and the consequential satisfaction they reap from it. They all end up becoming more obsessive about the thrill of the chase rather than the satisfaction it brings. Tragically, the push to achieve becomes more of an addiction and thus one experiences protracted frustration and disillusionment despite achieving ! It is like pursuing and trying to hold a rainbow !

I ponder over it and this is what I believe is my learning... it is not the material goal that one achieves that ultimately brings happiness and gives the high that one is seeking. You will keep setting higher and higher goals to drive yourself. Classically like the substance junkie who seeks a higher and higher fix, each successive time.

It is rather 'WHO' you have finally become as a consequence of that pursuit of achievement or chasing these goals that brings you the ultimate happiness. What have you become through your learning experiences as a consequence of that chase, will actually get you that high fix that you are actually pursuing.

Defined wrongly, some races never end.


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